My brain yells back. There is a battle within me.
I am just so fucked up. It's so amazing
how one thing can change so fast.
I'm not hungry at all. I lie. I feel awkward.
He really loves me? I love him. If he loves me.
I am so confused. I am finding myself
doing homework to calm myself?
Fuck.
When the sun rises in the morning
it creates another full long day of
feeling this wretched pain. This feeling
doesn't go away. It has made a nest in the pit
of my body. It is comfortable here. I am
a cat with a flea. I scratch and scratch, but nothing
stops this itch. I base people off of looks most of the time.
I find myself having guys that like me, I am flattered,
and then I focus on their looks. It screws up things.
I am very shallow. I only care about myself and
a couple certain people in this world. Am I your baby?
My fucked up heart doesn't know yet.
Let my brain use its toxic ink to write out
lies for you. Baby. Your fucked up Baby.
He's calling now.
When he talks to me on the phone, the feeling goes away partially.
He is so straight forward. This brings my thoughts back to
HurricaneAubrey's blog.
I feel so deprived of a natural teenage life.
I want a better life. Dammit. He says I love you. I say it back.
I don't know. Help Me. I can't tolerate it anymore.
I can't live like this. I am going to fix my life. Now.
Cat
3 comments:
no teenagers life is normal. if someone says so theyre just to f***ed up to admit that they are.
sigh, i know where you're coming from. things like this come and go, so don't get too shaken up over it. and i know more then anyone that's hard advice to follow but you'll realize it later on.
you'll figure it all out. i have faith in you.
:)
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